Something to be said about Gratitude

There’s much to be said about a friend who dies, especially someone about whom it feels like they died ahead of their time. Today was such a day for my friend Nancy.

One of her favourite hymns was Great is Thy Faithfulness.

For those who travelled the circuitous journey with Nancy this last year since she suffered a brain abscess – on top of her other cancers (!) one might be tempted to ask:

Is God faithful?  Or – did He let her down?

Did He forsake His daughter when she needed Him most?

I want to answer emphatically – God is Faithful! God did not forsake Nancy!

In this last year of Nancy’s life, when she could no longer care for herself or others; when she could no longer string together those impressive articulate thoughts; when she could no longer express her gratitude… 

God surrounded His daughter with His people = many of you as family and friends – who cared for her at the expense of your own health and sense of gratitude – and you took care of Nancy – as if you were taking care of Jesus Himself – for it was Jesus who said, 

“What you did for the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did it for me.”  (Matt 25:40)

You took care of Nancy in a time when so many of Nancy’s age or ailment simply die alone.

Not so with Nancy – she had a noticeable tribe of friends and caregivers, and if Nancy were here to speak for herself – I am convinced she’d say, “Thank you.”

You see, Nancy had a practiced habit – or – shall be be more honest and say – “Nancy had an obsession with gratitude.”

It started in 2011 after she read Ann Voskamp’s book, “1000 Gifts” – a book about gratitude. Nancy was the sort of person who didn’t just read for information – she read and applied – and – she got others together to read and practice the art and discipline of giving thanks.

There is a verse found in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Thessalonian church that has always presented a challenge:

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”        (I Thess. 5:16-18)

For those who live the spiritual life, and who have honestly and admittedly suffered – we know we cannot give thanks “for” all things” – but in the mystery of being “in Christ” – we can give thanks “In all circumstances”.  Nancy lived this out:

Her first entry in her Gratitude Journal (Volume 1) was in September, 2011:

“Thankful for hard circumstances that force me to run to you.”

She didn’t date most of her entries – she numbered them – so her last entry of that journal was #4730 – roughly three blessings a day over the span of that journal. Her last note of thanks was this:

“Thankful for a difficult – yet – beautiful day.” (Dec 16, 2016)

You can appreciate that Nancy would not miss a day – not even on August 4, 2015 (one of the few entries she dated) – the very day her husband died, she wrote:

“Thankful for My beloved Harold [who] died today; can I praise You in the storm?”

A few years later (2017) Nancy would write:

“The night that Harold went to heaven I settled into bed realizing that I had a choice I knew I had to make. Either I continue my practice of kneeling beside my bed and looking back over my day and seeing and recording the God-gifts within that day – OR – I give in to the misery of the hardest blow I’ve ever received and leave that practice behind.

My addled brain was saying “How can you give thanks on this day when you kissed the cool lips of your beloved husband for the very last time? The day when you knew you would never again see the face you could hardly drag your eyes from, so dear, so familiar, so improved by time and age?”

A battle ensued and the tiny voice of the Spirit that I’ve come to recognize whispered:

“This will be the vehicle for My presence as you go through what lies ahead. Bring Me your weakness, your brokenness. I will catch every tear, I will listen to every anguished question, I will heal your fractured heart and give you peace. The only part you have to do is to remember that thanksgiving always comes before the miracle.”

The very definition of peace

Today, what Nancy wrote years ago sounds so prophetic. She knew the secret of a life of gratitude.  She knew to give thanks – because – the God Nancy worshipped then, and whom she worships now in joyful abandon – is the source and the destination of all gratitude despite the circumstances.

I imagine if she were able, she’d tell you that;  she’d tell you about the joy of knowing God in Christ – and how He has woven all the strands of her beautiful and hard life into an amazing tapestry that reveals the beauty of the One who made her for Himself.

I have no illusion that many of you are grieving and suffering now, and that for me to hint that you can be thankful – might sound outrageously pious and insensitive.

But the wise who have gone before us recognize the gift that is gratitude.  Annie Dillard wrote,

“I think that the dying pray at the end – not, ‘please,’ – but ‘thank you’ – as a guest thanks his host at that door.”

She knew some secret about a life of gratitude at the moment of mourning; that our exits shall be exposed for their wonder, and shall elicit praise.

In June 2021, a popular TV Talent show (America’s Got Talent) featured a singer who went by the name of “Nightbirde.” She was there to sing a song she wrote called “It’s Okay”— which she described as “the story about the last year of my life.”

She knew she was dying with terminal cancer. But before she sang, she said this to the judges and audience:

“It’s important that everyone knows I’m so much more than the bad things that happen to me… You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”

Or – as Nancy might have put it:

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be thankful.”

In one of her blog posts titled, “God is on the bathroom floor; if you can’t see Him, look lower”, Nightbirde wrote:

“I see mercy in the dusty sunlight that outlines the trees, in my mother’s crooked hands, in the blanket my friend left for me, in the harmony of the wind chimes. It’s not the mercy that I asked for, but it is mercy nonetheless. And I learn a new prayer: thank you. It’s a prayer I don’t mean yet, but will repeat until I do.

Call me cursed, call me lost, call me scorned. But that’s not all. Call me chosen, blessed, sought-after. Call me the one who God whispers His secrets to. I am the one whose belly is filled with loaves of mercy that were hidden for me…

God is on the bathroom floor; if you cannot see Him… look lower.”

God is on the Bathroom Floor

You see, when we understand how radically present God is in our world, we need only look around to find God having been there all along, we find the God who is present for as Jesus promises,

“Ask and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find; Knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; everyone who who seeks finds; and to anyone who knocks, the door will be opened.”   (Matthew 7:7,8)

Now, as Nancy realized years ago:

Either you can learn the practice of looking back over your day to see and record the God-gifts within that day – OR – you can give-in to the misery of the hardest blows you’ll ever receive and descend into despair.

Since we are all on a spiritual journey, perhaps this is the moment you seek the God whom Nancy worships – and enter into His joyful gratitude for you – for we believe God is continually looking for you to return.

This is part of the curriculum of the spiritual life.